[ This letter arrives in a yellow envelope. It's like, at least two pages long. Sorry about that.]
At this point, you will have to accept that I'm condemning you to read lengthy letters from me. There are so many things I wish to tell you and talk about with you, so get comfortable if you can.
First, I would like to say thank you for the things you told me in your last letter. It helps a lot to have an outsider’s perspective, and I'll try to take what you said to heart. Those words…mean a lot, to me. I want to hope this means you won't avert your eyes from even the parts of me that aren't pretty or pleasant.
There are a few things I should come clean to you about. Especially about the rings. Where do I even start …
Firstly, I’ve taken back my original name. I suspect trying to write it down will be met with helpful ‘corrections’, so I’ve asked a friend to pass it along to you if he ever gets the chance to meet you. He’s not exactly friendly or personable, but I guess that speaks to what a favour he’s doing me. Let’s say there’s a reason why so many gods back home seem fond of calling me ‘fledgling’.
Secondly, do colours have meanings, where you’re from? Where I'm from, certain colours are associated with the Five Maidens and their purviews. They are:
Yellow for Journeys; beginnings, travel, roads, messages, Blue for Serenity; joy, love, the arts, worldly pleasures, Red for Battles; conflict, tribulations, endurance, resilience, Green for Secrets; knowledge, perception, wisdom, foresight, and Purple for Endings; change, inevitability, death, upheaval.
If you’re wondering if this means I find certain things amusing, the chances are the answer is yes. If you’re wondering what this means about the ring you gave me, then … I think it’s only fair to let you decide how serious you want it to mean, given the circumstances at the time. And as for the ring I gave you … I pray that you will always have the strength to face tomorrow, and that you will always find your way no matter what path you choose to take. That’s what that ring means. Though in hindsight, it’s not a terribly romantic gift, huh?
Giving you another ring feels somewhat tasteless, so … if you don’t mind, I’ve sent an ear cuff instead. I have the other half of the set and I intend to wear it on my right ear. For some reason I only have one ear pierced?
I'm trying to spend more time on my hobbies to pass the days here. I've been reading books, playing card games and board games, exploring the city … trying to pick up fishing again too. There are many tall buildings here, but trying to climb them is different from the ones back home. I’ve made friends with the newest boy on avante, or at least I hope we’re friends. He’s a diligent and earnest sort himself. I think you’d like him.
… There’s something I haven’t told many people here — and for most of the part only the others from Creation know this in detail. It's not exactly a secret, rather, it's…pretty upsetting and difficult to understand, I suppose. Not exactly a topic for casual conversation.
I don’t know what the gods are like where you’re from, if there are any, but — in Creation, the gods are present and real. Sometimes, a god Chooses a mortal and blesses them with their power. I can’t say I know for what reason I was Chosen, but I’ve been blessed by the Unconquered Sun, among the highest of the gods.
Except people think it’s demonic possession, actually. There’s a good, oh, around 2000 years of history and Immaculate doctrine that say so. Solar Anathema, we are called; blasphemous, wicked tyrants, avaricious, debauched, cruel. People so powerful they are a veritable army unto themselves; who through sheer charisma could get people to abandon virtue in the name of devotion; bargain with demons and spirits and wield dark sorcerous arts; so on and so forth. People organise Wyld Hunts to track down and kill Anathema, with the support of authorities and communities.
The good news is that it genuinely isn’t demonic possession, despite what people may believe. The bad news is that a lot of the other things that have been said are more or less true, and in some cases are not even very exaggerated. I’ve learnt some very upsetting things about what some other Solars, both those who came before me and those who are still living, have done. At one point Solars were such a danger to everyone else that slaughtering them was deemed the only feasible solution. Which, well, is how things have been ever since.
I know this sounds like cock, and one person I tried to explain this to seemed to have trouble understanding how people back home could believe this sort of thing to be [ There’s a large ink blot here, from where his pen paused while writing.] righteous, or correct, or even remotely acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I think I deserve to die or anything, it’s just … it’s not hard for someone who actually lives in our world to understand why people think this way. Can you trust someone to never misuse their disgustingly overpowered gifts, when making the wrong judgement call could cause harm on a possibly untold scale? It’s not as if it’s just an issue where there are some bad actors who horrifically abuse their powers, though I’m certain some Solars are like that, rather —-
In my observation, a great deal of Solars seem to want to do what they believe is right. When you have reasons and means, many things sound like great ideas. I believe there’s a saying about how the road to hell is paved with good intentions? “The price of power is the burden of responsibility, but no one will ever tell you the ‘right’ way to wield it.” I was told that by my predecessor.
To be honest, ever since I found out I’m one of them, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. One day the Wyld Hunt will come for me, and being young means very little in the face of such lofty things as ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’, ‘the greater good’, no matter how regrettable they may find it to be. The more I learn about those before me and the things they had done, the more it sinks in that the Solars have largely earned this terrible fate. And the other Solars I know and I will pay, and pay, and pay for it.
I keep wondering if one day, I will also make the mistake of believing in my own good intentions and end up causing terrible harm. Or if I’ll go the way of madness like so many Solars before me seem to have. I have this godsawful legacy shoved into my hands that I can't just say doesn't matter, because people will always see the shade of it in me and it'll dog my footsteps until the day the noose tightens around my neck. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see next year, let alone think of the future.
But after all the experiences I've had since coming here, I find myself wanting to think of the future. I want to be able to see the friends I've made here again, even if I were to leave. I want to find a way that lets me do that without being beholden to higher powers. And most of all, I…
… Would you be interested in a future with me?
It must sound like a joke, coming from me. WhySurely youI There are things I need to settle back home, at least one person who I must convince to consider her own happiness, to say nothing about the fact I don’t know for certain if I can both put things in order and find a way to be with you.
But you mean enough to me that I want to dream. I haven’t done that in a long time.
That said, you don’t have to give me an answer right away, nor do I want you to feel obliged to commit to a half-baked idea.
Ye gods, this letter got long. It feels like all I've been doing is making you listen to me. Thus — I'd like to hear more about you. Whether it's the things you remember or what you'd wish for, whatever you may be comfortable with.
no subject
At this point, you will have to accept that I'm condemning you to read lengthy letters from me. There are so many things I wish to tell you and talk about with you, so get comfortable if you can.
First, I would like to say thank you for the things you told me in your last letter. It helps a lot to have an outsider’s perspective, and I'll try to take what you said to heart. Those words…mean a lot, to me. I want to hope this means you won't avert your eyes from even the parts of me that aren't pretty or pleasant.
There are a few things I should come clean to you about. Especially about the rings. Where do I even start …
Firstly, I’ve taken back my original name. I suspect trying to write it down will be met with helpful ‘corrections’, so I’ve asked a friend to pass it along to you if he ever gets the chance to meet you. He’s not exactly friendly or personable, but I guess that speaks to what a favour he’s doing me. Let’s say there’s a reason why so many gods back home seem fond of calling me ‘fledgling’.
Secondly, do colours have meanings, where you’re from? Where I'm from, certain colours are associated with the Five Maidens and their purviews. They are:
Yellow for Journeys; beginnings, travel, roads, messages,
Blue for Serenity; joy, love, the arts, worldly pleasures,
Red for Battles; conflict, tribulations, endurance, resilience,
Green for Secrets; knowledge, perception, wisdom, foresight,
and Purple for Endings; change, inevitability, death, upheaval.
If you’re wondering if this means I find certain things amusing, the chances are the answer is yes. If you’re wondering what this means about the ring you gave me, then … I think it’s only fair to let you decide how serious you want it to mean, given the circumstances at the time. And as for the ring I gave you … I pray that you will always have the strength to face tomorrow, and that you will always find your way no matter what path you choose to take. That’s what that ring means. Though in hindsight, it’s not a terribly romantic gift, huh?
Giving you another ring feels somewhat tasteless, so … if you don’t mind, I’ve sent an ear cuff instead. I have the other half of the set and I intend to wear it on my right ear. For some reason I only have one ear pierced?
I'm trying to spend more time on my hobbies to pass the days here. I've been reading books, playing card games and board games, exploring the city … trying to pick up fishing again too. There are many tall buildings here, but trying to climb them is different from the ones back home. I’ve made friends with the newest boy on avante, or at least I hope we’re friends. He’s a diligent and earnest sort himself. I think you’d like him.
… There’s something I haven’t told many people here — and for most of the part only the others from Creation know this in detail. It's not exactly a secret, rather, it's…pretty upsetting and difficult to understand, I suppose. Not exactly a topic for casual conversation.
I don’t know what the gods are like where you’re from, if there are any, but — in Creation, the gods are present and real. Sometimes, a god Chooses a mortal and blesses them with their power. I can’t say I know for what reason I was Chosen, but I’ve been blessed by the Unconquered Sun, among the highest of the gods.
Except people think it’s demonic possession, actually. There’s a good, oh, around 2000 years of history and Immaculate doctrine that say so. Solar Anathema, we are called; blasphemous, wicked tyrants, avaricious, debauched, cruel. People so powerful they are a veritable army unto themselves; who through sheer charisma could get people to abandon virtue in the name of devotion; bargain with demons and spirits and wield dark sorcerous arts; so on and so forth. People organise Wyld Hunts to track down and kill Anathema, with the support of authorities and communities.
The good news is that it genuinely isn’t demonic possession, despite what people may believe. The bad news is that a lot of the other things that have been said are more or less true, and in some cases are not even very exaggerated. I’ve learnt some very upsetting things about what some other Solars, both those who came before me and those who are still living, have done. At one point Solars were such a danger to everyone else that slaughtering them was deemed the only feasible solution. Which, well, is how things have been ever since.
I know this sounds like cock, and one person I tried to explain this to seemed to have trouble understanding how people back home could believe this sort of thing to be [ There’s a large ink blot here, from where his pen paused while writing.] righteous, or correct, or even remotely acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I think I deserve to die or anything, it’s just … it’s not hard for someone who actually lives in our world to understand why people think this way. Can you trust someone to never misuse their disgustingly overpowered gifts, when making the wrong judgement call could cause harm on a possibly untold scale? It’s not as if it’s just an issue where there are some bad actors who horrifically abuse their powers, though I’m certain some Solars are like that, rather —-
In my observation, a great deal of Solars seem to want to do what they believe is right. When you have reasons and means, many things sound like great ideas. I believe there’s a saying about how the road to hell is paved with good intentions? “The price of power is the burden of responsibility, but no one will ever tell you the ‘right’ way to wield it.” I was told that by my predecessor.
To be honest, ever since I found out I’m one of them, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. One day the Wyld Hunt will come for me, and being young means very little in the face of such lofty things as ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’, ‘the greater good’, no matter how regrettable they may find it to be. The more I learn about those before me and the things they had done, the more it sinks in that the Solars have largely earned this terrible fate. And the other Solars I know and I will pay, and pay, and pay for it.
I keep wondering if one day, I will
alsomake the mistake of believing in my own good intentions and end up causing terrible harm. Or if I’ll go the way of madness like so many Solars before me seem to have. I have this godsawful legacy shoved into my hands that I can't just say doesn't matter, because people will always see the shade of it in me and it'll dog my footsteps until the day the noose tightens around my neck. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see next year, let alone think of the future.But after all the experiences I've had since coming here, I find myself wanting to think of the future. I want to be able to see the friends I've made here again, even if I were to leave. I want to find a way that lets me do that without being beholden to higher powers. And most of all, I…
… Would you be interested in a future with me?
It must sound like a joke, coming from me.
WhySurely youIThere are things I need to settle back home, at least one person who I must convince to consider her own happiness, to say nothing about the fact I don’t know for certain if I can both put things in order and find a way to be with you.But you mean enough to me that I want to dream. I haven’t done that in a long time.
That said, you don’t have to give me an answer right away, nor do I want you to feel obliged to commit to a half-baked idea.
Ye gods, this letter got long. It feels like all I've been doing is making you listen to me. Thus — I'd like to hear more about you. Whether it's the things you remember or what you'd wish for, whatever you may be comfortable with.
Love endures, and safe journeys to you.
Patiently yours,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ Inside the envelope is an ear cuff. ]