[ The handwriting is neat and meticulous. Eclipse seems to have taken his time writing this letter. ]
I don't know if this letter will reach you, nor do I know if you'll be able to read it. But I've done arguably stupider and more foolhardy things than put my feelings in writing, so here I am.
It's been around a month since I last saw you. I hope you are doing well over there. There have been decent games and terrible ones, which is business as usual. I’m doing as okay as I can be.
Someone from [ Sad Bird in Snow ] and I's world has since arrived and I got to watch a fistfight on his first day. He’s fine, for the record. He’s humored even a petty, childish whim of mine like a good sport.
After you were transferred, I had a good talk with a friend of mine. His experienced opinion as my elder (of around four years) was that me ‘going goofy’ whenever I think of you is a given no matter what. He is right about this. Even now as I write this letter I can feel my face turning red. My heart pounds and I can't help but feel flustered. Recently, I have had some [ There's a pretty big ink blot here, from where he pressed a little too hard into the paper. Presumably, he was expiring inside.] awkward dreams. Deeply awkward dreams.
I would say you should take responsibility but technically, you already have.
It is probably naive of me to think this, but I guess you are what some would call my first love. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that. You were and still are the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss. There will almost certainly come a time when that changes, however many weeks or months or years from now, but you will always have a special place in my heart. I don't regret wanting to take our time, and I'm still grateful for your patience about it.
I must also admit that I am not actually fond of dragons, conceptually, but it also turns out I don't give a damn if it's you. It's a little embarrassing that even I have exceptions.
There are many things about myself and where I'm from that I wish I had told you sooner. At least, I think you have a right to know. To try and explain some of them in a letter feels either inappropriate or inadequate. Often, they are not quite happy things, and rarely are they wholly good. Is this something you would want me to do? Though I suppose this may turn out to be a little pointless.
I suppose even in writing I'm a bit of a downer, hah. But I will try to share something you'll enjoy, too.
Recently, AlcheME organised a 'host club' Live. In some ways, it's similar to what my family back home does, so I decided to take that one potion for it. Just a bit of fun playing pretend, of course. I've taken the liberty of sending you some pictures B took, as well as a special one from me to you. I hope they bring you serenity.
[ One gets the sense that he’s being a little shit smiling into his hand about it, somehow. It’s probably because the pictures in the envelope are of an adult Eclipse in his host club outfit. B took some prettychoicephotos. As for the special one he mentioned, well... ]
In the end, I don't know if I'll ever get to hold your hand again. I've been here long enough that I've seen many people come and go, to know better than to get my hopes up. Foolishly, I hope to see you again some day nonetheless.
May you be graced with victory in life's battles, and may you always find your way on the road that lies ahead. I love you.
I'd like to start off by apologizing. I don't know if you saw my over the top reaction to your letter, but it hit me hard, but I want to clarify that it was in the best way possible. I'm sure it seemed like the opposite, but I don't like showing my emotions, especially *those* sorts to just anybody. The tears of joy your letter brought should be reserved for you and only you. I'm sorry I did that, but I just wanted to let you know how happy your letter made me and that you don't ever have to worry about there not being space by my side for you, because you managed to carve out a niche in my heart for yourself. Lancelot, you're very special to me, and I not a day goes by where I wish you weren't here. It feels like things have been really tough lately, but perhaps that's because my precious knight is gone. I sometimes wonder if venturing down into Liar Hell would net us a meeting... though I know the chances are probably slim. Am I desperate, yes, absolutely... and even if it'd be brief the trials and tribulations would absolutely be worth it. I miss you, Lance, and I look forward to getting to see you again.
너밖에 없어, There's no one like you,
With all my love, Song Hana ( D.Va )
PS. I think it's my turn to give you a little something, don't you think? ;)
Inside there's also a ring, except the gemstones are pink!
[ The handwriting is neat, and each pen stroke thoughtful. Eclipse seems to have taken his time writing this letter. ]
Ah, how bold of you to say you won't apologise! Telling me that it's "a bit embarrassing" on my end when I have to get a door for my room now lest I die from mortification should someone have impeccable timing. Unless you mean to say I'm the only one between the two of us who's thought about going a little further than what we ended up doing that time? Fortunately, I'm not exactly a patient person who is content to wait until I can see you again. I’ve been gifted several outfits. Please enjoy my pre-emptive payback.
I’m happy to see that my letter got to you, and I can only hope you’ll continue to receive them. And it pleased me greatly to know that you trust me to take care of myself. You looked gorgeous in the picture as well.
Thank you for the advice. I knew [ Ogre ] from when he was here previously, but not very well. I feel like I’ve learnt more about him second-hand than from actually interacting with him, which is something I should probably rectify.
Since I said I’d tell you about myself, I should start. You saw one of my memories before, right? The one with my friend. That is the city I have spent most of my life in.
Wu-Jian is not what I would call a particularly kind or gentle place. Though I suppose that’s also true of Creation as a whole, hah. It is the sort of city that I think outsiders would find baffling and brutal. It is not without its joys and its own sort of beauty, but it is also harsh and often unforgiving. A lawless city of unspoken rules. Strength is law, though mainlanders and continentals often misunderstand that ‘strength’ comes in various forms. We trade in nearly every vice under the sun, and everything comes at a price. Be it in coin, blood, sweat or tears.
That’s the other thing a lot of outsiders seem to misunderstand. It is not that we disdain kindness, so much as it is that kindness comes at a cost. If you lack the strength to make it matter, Wu-Jian will devour you as payment.
A long time ago, after seeing a memory I regained, someone once told me that they hoped Crane and I managed to get out of Wu-Jian. They meant well, but the suggestion that it was a place that I ‘should’ leave made me uncomfortable. It’s my home. They said that the people there ‘seemed like dicks’, but in that case, assholes live and breathe everywhere. And I was born and raised there, however atypical my upbringing may have been, so what does that say about me?
I suppose what I mean to convey is … regardless of whatever impression I may give, I am not a gentle person myself. In my memories, I’ve murdered two men on separate occasions to defend myself. I doubt those were the last. And while I do not remember committing it yet, I was prepared to blackmail someone in an act of retribution for harm done to me and Crane. It’s not as if I want to repeat those experiences if I can help it, but I do not feel a shred of remorse over what I’ve done. So, no, I wouldn’t even call myself ‘compassionate’ or ‘kind’. I’m not terrible, but I’m not someone of great virtue either.
It must be quite sudden for me to give such a grim explanation, but I felt it was only fair for me to tell you what you might be getting into, so you may make an informed decision. Since … I want to rescind what I said before, about not wanting us to be courting one another. I told you that because I had some hang-ups over the very concept, but, well. Considering the things we’ve done before, and these feelings that I’m grappling with, it would be disingenuous of me to say that I’m not at least a little in love with you. ‘Friends with benefits’ no longer seems adequate to describe what you mean to me.
Of course, it’s fine if you also do not wish for us to be ‘boyfriends’. Given all that I’ve talked about above. I just hope to stay friends with you, no matter what.
Apparently, I can only write long letters like this. I won’t keep you here any longer. Safe journeys, Lancelot.
Your husband, [ Spring Born Wind ]
[ In the letter are several photos. Most of them seem to be selfies of Eclipseinvariousoutfits. And then there’s one photo of him in an oversized avante-style shirt and a pair of shorts, his knees drawn up to his chest as he’s sitting on the hammock in his room. His face is completely red to his ears in that one, because he was dying as he tried to take that selfie. ]
I'm sending you a separate letter because these thoughts are far too indecent to be sharing space with something more heartfelt. To be honest, I probably shouldn't be writing this at all. Consider this a warning to read this letter in private if you can afford it.
What ifThis is soHow is this serenFUCK
Look, I just can't keep these thoughts out of my head now. You've basically ruined me when the only one I want is you, so I must avenge myself.
I found an outfit in the catalogue the other day that I wish I could give to you. Like how I wear clothes from avante sometimes — and I really should have thought of getting outfits from you sooner — the idea of you wearing AlcheME outfits in my colour brings me joy. You'd look very handsome in it. We could wear outfits in each other's style, spending the evening together before finally taking them off, piece by piece. Surely, you would want to watch me shed the cloak.
I keep thinking back to the way you kissed me, and your arms wrapped around me. I find myself imagining what if I hadn't been shy, and we went further? I want to peel off your gloves and kiss your palms. I want to kiss you deep until we're breathless. I want to touch your skin and feel every part of you and learn all your weak points. If you would let me, I want to leave marks on you, and call you mine. Would you want any of this?
You said you are willing to give me as much of you as I want, and so I will give you as much of me as you desire too. Every sound and face I'd make are for your ears and eyes only. You have been so patient and thoughtful towards me that you deserve that much, and all the parts of me I wouldn't let just anyone see.
If you wouldn't mind, we could even try some things with AlcheME potions. Like the one that gives animal ears.
… It's so strange to actually write that down, but there. I did. You would probably say I'd look cute with cat ears, or something like that. And I'd protest, but then you would insist and extol the virtues of my so-called cuteness and every instance of it that you can remember until I eventually give in. I would not actually mind it; it's just the principle of the matter.
But most importantly, what I want is —
To spend a night with you, fall asleep next to you, and wake up in the morning by your side. To hold your hand and wish you good morning. Would you want this, too?
I know that so much of this is rather greedy and selfish of me. I have never felt this way for anyone, and it's wonderful and terrifying. And — I know that I'm inexperienced, but I want to do my best for you.
I miss you. May we some day meet again.
Your husband, [ Spring Born Wind ]
[ Inside the envelope there also seems to be a picture printed from an outfit catalogue. ]
Edited (I forgot the picture, whoops) 2021-02-06 07:56 (UTC)
Hey, ah, just keeping it brief this time. Just wondering if you got my letter last time and, uhm, I guess more importantly the enclose... gift. I hope you're doing well enough, and I sincerely hope we get to see each other again soon. I miss you more than I can put to words, ...
[ This letter arrives in a yellow envelope. It's like, at least two pages long. Sorry about that.]
At this point, you will have to accept that I'm condemning you to read lengthy letters from me. There are so many things I wish to tell you and talk about with you, so get comfortable if you can.
First, I would like to say thank you for the things you told me in your last letter. It helps a lot to have an outsider’s perspective, and I'll try to take what you said to heart. Those words…mean a lot, to me. I want to hope this means you won't avert your eyes from even the parts of me that aren't pretty or pleasant.
There are a few things I should come clean to you about. Especially about the rings. Where do I even start …
Firstly, I’ve taken back my original name. I suspect trying to write it down will be met with helpful ‘corrections’, so I’ve asked a friend to pass it along to you if he ever gets the chance to meet you. He’s not exactly friendly or personable, but I guess that speaks to what a favour he’s doing me. Let’s say there’s a reason why so many gods back home seem fond of calling me ‘fledgling’.
Secondly, do colours have meanings, where you’re from? Where I'm from, certain colours are associated with the Five Maidens and their purviews. They are:
Yellow for Journeys; beginnings, travel, roads, messages, Blue for Serenity; joy, love, the arts, worldly pleasures, Red for Battles; conflict, tribulations, endurance, resilience, Green for Secrets; knowledge, perception, wisdom, foresight, and Purple for Endings; change, inevitability, death, upheaval.
If you’re wondering if this means I find certain things amusing, the chances are the answer is yes. If you’re wondering what this means about the ring you gave me, then … I think it’s only fair to let you decide how serious you want it to mean, given the circumstances at the time. And as for the ring I gave you … I pray that you will always have the strength to face tomorrow, and that you will always find your way no matter what path you choose to take. That’s what that ring means. Though in hindsight, it’s not a terribly romantic gift, huh?
Giving you another ring feels somewhat tasteless, so … if you don’t mind, I’ve sent an ear cuff instead. I have the other half of the set and I intend to wear it on my right ear. For some reason I only have one ear pierced?
I'm trying to spend more time on my hobbies to pass the days here. I've been reading books, playing card games and board games, exploring the city … trying to pick up fishing again too. There are many tall buildings here, but trying to climb them is different from the ones back home. I’ve made friends with the newest boy on avante, or at least I hope we’re friends. He’s a diligent and earnest sort himself. I think you’d like him.
… There’s something I haven’t told many people here — and for most of the part only the others from Creation know this in detail. It's not exactly a secret, rather, it's…pretty upsetting and difficult to understand, I suppose. Not exactly a topic for casual conversation.
I don’t know what the gods are like where you’re from, if there are any, but — in Creation, the gods are present and real. Sometimes, a god Chooses a mortal and blesses them with their power. I can’t say I know for what reason I was Chosen, but I’ve been blessed by the Unconquered Sun, among the highest of the gods.
Except people think it’s demonic possession, actually. There’s a good, oh, around 2000 years of history and Immaculate doctrine that say so. Solar Anathema, we are called; blasphemous, wicked tyrants, avaricious, debauched, cruel. People so powerful they are a veritable army unto themselves; who through sheer charisma could get people to abandon virtue in the name of devotion; bargain with demons and spirits and wield dark sorcerous arts; so on and so forth. People organise Wyld Hunts to track down and kill Anathema, with the support of authorities and communities.
The good news is that it genuinely isn’t demonic possession, despite what people may believe. The bad news is that a lot of the other things that have been said are more or less true, and in some cases are not even very exaggerated. I’ve learnt some very upsetting things about what some other Solars, both those who came before me and those who are still living, have done. At one point Solars were such a danger to everyone else that slaughtering them was deemed the only feasible solution. Which, well, is how things have been ever since.
I know this sounds like cock, and one person I tried to explain this to seemed to have trouble understanding how people back home could believe this sort of thing to be [ There’s a large ink blot here, from where his pen paused while writing.] righteous, or correct, or even remotely acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I think I deserve to die or anything, it’s just … it’s not hard for someone who actually lives in our world to understand why people think this way. Can you trust someone to never misuse their disgustingly overpowered gifts, when making the wrong judgement call could cause harm on a possibly untold scale? It’s not as if it’s just an issue where there are some bad actors who horrifically abuse their powers, though I’m certain some Solars are like that, rather —-
In my observation, a great deal of Solars seem to want to do what they believe is right. When you have reasons and means, many things sound like great ideas. I believe there’s a saying about how the road to hell is paved with good intentions? “The price of power is the burden of responsibility, but no one will ever tell you the ‘right’ way to wield it.” I was told that by my predecessor.
To be honest, ever since I found out I’m one of them, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. One day the Wyld Hunt will come for me, and being young means very little in the face of such lofty things as ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’, ‘the greater good’, no matter how regrettable they may find it to be. The more I learn about those before me and the things they had done, the more it sinks in that the Solars have largely earned this terrible fate. And the other Solars I know and I will pay, and pay, and pay for it.
I keep wondering if one day, I will also make the mistake of believing in my own good intentions and end up causing terrible harm. Or if I’ll go the way of madness like so many Solars before me seem to have. I have this godsawful legacy shoved into my hands that I can't just say doesn't matter, because people will always see the shade of it in me and it'll dog my footsteps until the day the noose tightens around my neck. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see next year, let alone think of the future.
But after all the experiences I've had since coming here, I find myself wanting to think of the future. I want to be able to see the friends I've made here again, even if I were to leave. I want to find a way that lets me do that without being beholden to higher powers. And most of all, I…
… Would you be interested in a future with me?
It must sound like a joke, coming from me. WhySurely youI There are things I need to settle back home, at least one person who I must convince to consider her own happiness, to say nothing about the fact I don’t know for certain if I can both put things in order and find a way to be with you.
But you mean enough to me that I want to dream. I haven’t done that in a long time.
That said, you don’t have to give me an answer right away, nor do I want you to feel obliged to commit to a half-baked idea.
Ye gods, this letter got long. It feels like all I've been doing is making you listen to me. Thus — I'd like to hear more about you. Whether it's the things you remember or what you'd wish for, whatever you may be comfortable with.
[ This letter arrives in a blue envelope. The handwriting is less tidy than usual, like Skylark forced himself to put the words down before he changed his mind. It smells very, very faintly of the sea. ]
Honestly, I didn't think I'd have to write this letter so soon, but fanmail has forced my hand. Gods, the things I've been sent. I never thought I'd wish the Producers would hurry up and give my room a damn door already.
For someone who said he's learnt his lesson though, you don't seem to regret teasing me very much…? Seeing how you wrote quite an intimate letter yourself. If you must insist on calling me cute and showing me such affection, then I'll have to return it threefold. Prepare yourself.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting you to think rabbit ears suit me. I'm curious about those reasons of yours. As for you… I keep thinking you'd have dog ears. The pointed kind, in particular. They suit someone so earnest and diligent. I’d lean up to kiss and nibble and run my tongue along your ears, nice and slow. Perhaps while you're busy concentrating on undoing my buttons. No matter what your reaction would be, I'd be satisfied.
I’ve asked [ 末っ子] for help to get some more outfits. I hope you enjoy the pictures. Ever since you've seemed interested in taking them off me, I've… Sometimes I imagine your lips on my neck and shoulders, your breath hot against my skin, your hands all over my body. If you were to leave marks, I … certainly wouldn't complain.
Maybe this is presumptuous of me, but it's also my honest opinion: to me, you're one of the most beautiful people I know, Lancelot, in more ways than one. I mean, I'd always known you'd be considered handsome, but I knew that in the same way I could estimate the value of someone in the water trade. And then I noticed how warm your smiles are, the way you look at me as someone to be cherished and took my hand, how sincere you are and how cute you are when you're feeling competitive, and…
It still feels like a dream, sometimes. That someone so great likes me. I don't want to wake up.
The fans have sent me rather salacious things in the mail. Very...detailed ones, as it turns out. I’ve gotten art books, illustrated stories, romance novels. A truly embarrassing number of them involve you, ah. Taking me and making a mess of me, as it were. Not that I’m unhappy about it, just… it’s embarrassing.
One of the things I received was a series of artwork of you … sucking me off. Or at least, I’m fairly certain it’s intended to be me. In any case it has been on my mind a lot and they seem to believe you’d be quite confident about it and that you'd relish making me melt and! That face is criminal. So I want to be the one to make you tremble with all the love and affection I can offer. I’d get down on my knees between your legs, and take you into my mouth. I want to make you feel so good with my tongue that you can't hold back your voice.
Yet the fanmail that I ended up becoming fond of was … uhm, well. At least one fan seems to like the idea of us having a proper wedding ceremony. Said fan is also apparently pretty invested in the idea of you wearing the bride's dress. Aside from that, they put in a lot of thought about a hypothetical wedding night, so to speak, and I…
I think the thought of the two of us spending a night together, tied by marriage… It makes my heart flutter. It was so sweet and tender. To hold hands and gently whisper as we make love, that sort of intimacy…
It’s probably too wishful of me. Would something like that interest you at all?
Ah, this is so embarrassing. I miss you so much that I’m becoming a lovesick idiot. If — you are comfortable with such a thing, I’d like to hear about the sort of things you’d like to do with me, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go walk into the sea for a bit.
With love, always — [ Spring Born Wind ]
[ There are a few photos of Skylark wearing this outfit tucked away inside the envelope. A few appear to be taken at a park, a couple at the beach in his room, judging from the sparkling sand. He’s smiling gently in them.
And then there’s one photo at the very bottom of the stack that’s … very decidedly for Lancelot’s eyes only. It's of a rather dishevelled looking Skylark in the hammock of his bedroom, the outer layers of the outfit removed and leaving him in just the shirt and pants. The shirt is unbuttoned and pulled down over his shoulders, exposing the skin there and his neck and chest. The necklace with the wedding ring is in clear view. There's a blush dusting his cheeks and neck, and he's looking at the camera with half-lidded eyes of want. ]
[ This letter arrives in a yellow envelope. It uses cute blue stationery paper bought from the department store, and the handwriting is neat and tidy. ]
It’s been a while since my last letter. I promise this one will be shorter than what I sent last time, and I hope this letter finds you in good health. A few things have happened since then, which … I suppose is why I’m writing this letter now.
Do you remember my friend in that memory I shared with you before? White hair, threatened to cut my throat but didn’t actually do it? She was on the show temporarily as a ‘guest star’, because the production must always find ways to keep things interesting. I had a lot of feelings about her being here, after 12 months of only having memories to know her by. To be honest, even though Crane has always been important to me, I didn’t consider myself to be in love with her. But after having experienced love and affection with you, and having damn well almost everyone telling me there’s certainly something about my feelings for her, I had to realise that perhaps I am in love with her too.
Also, I am an idiot who did not notice that she has been holding a torch for me for a while. Possibly a very long while? Goes to show how clever I am, really.
One thing led to another and there was a stupidly dramatic confession, so … Crane and I are together now. I told her there is room in my heart for more than one person, and she seems to accept my sincerity that I love both you and her. [ At this point there seems to be several attempts to start the next sentence that have been completely scratched out with a pen, a big ink blot of hesitation, and smaller ink blots of almost starting to write a new word that doesn’t get followed through. The letter continues on a new line instead, and the handwriting is much less neat for the next paragraph. ]
This is probably silly of me, except it doesn’t feel that way to me no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, and all the deliberation and hemming and hawing in the world cannot strengthen my faith and give me courage, if they could then I would not even be having this problem and resorting to refusing to edit myself, and so I must ask: is this arrangement something you would accept? That I want to find happiness with both you and her? That I want to bring her with me and build a life with her?
… Please forgive me for having such worries, and how needy I must sound here. I just feel as though I am being too greedy and asking for too much. I love both you and her, and I want the two of you to feel loved and important, as you both should be. But it’s no good if neither of you feel comfortable or reassured, either. I would be happy if this situation is acceptable to you, but I will also accept it if you aren’t.
I miss you always, and I hope you will always find your way, no matter where you may be. Safe journeys to you.
[ This letter arrives in a yellow envelope. It uses cute blue stationery paper bought from the department store, and the handwriting is neat and tidy.
There are ink blots in several places in the letter. ]
How are you? I know it hasn’t been very long since we last saw each other, but I hope that you’re doing as well as you can be on that side. As for myself …
I think you’ve seen my mom a few times in my memories? She’s nice, but also strange and kind of absent-minded. No matter what happens, she doesn’t stop smiling. She likes music and art, walks on the beach and, apparently, embarrassing me. If she ever met you, she probably would have fussed over me having a male friend for a change, and then fawn over you the moment she learnt you’re more than just a friend. She’s wonderful and beautiful.
…Well, I regret to say that you probably won’t ever get the chance to introduce yourself to her, because she’s gone. Funny how I only remember that after you have to leave. It’s nothing dramatic; just the quiet departure of someone who’d been ill for too long.
I am fine. Sort of. I will definitely be fine, eventually. I had to be at some point afterwards, so I think I’ll get there again with time. Selfishly, I wish I could hug you tight. It’s not as though my friends don’t care for me and haven’t tried to help me, it’s just…I want to see you and Crane the most. I know there isn’t much you can do right now, so perhaps it is just burdensome of me to tell you about it, but … it wouldn’t be fair to you to try and hide this either. If only I had happier news to share with you for a change.
I try to think of the promise we made and the time we spent together whenever I feel too lonely. Your sincerity is like sunlight, and I try to remember that I want a tomorrow with you and Crane. That helps a lot.
It isn’t much, but I don’t want this to be just a sad and dreary letter to you, so…hopefully, these pictures will brighten your day too. Crane gave me this outfit when she was here. How does it look?
With love, [ Spring Born Wind ]
[ There are two photos of Lark dressed in this outfit. One of them seems to have been taken while he’s drinking a cup of tea by the beach in his room. The second photo is of Lark without the outer robe, in the middle of a stretch. It really shows off that the undershirt is sleeveless, and the way his back arches while he’s stretching his arms. ]
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I don't know if this letter will reach you, nor do I know if you'll be able to read it. But I've done arguably stupider and more foolhardy things than put my feelings in writing, so here I am.
It's been around a month since I last saw you. I hope you are doing well over there. There have been decent games and terrible ones, which is business as usual. I’m doing as okay as I can be.
Someone from [ Sad Bird in Snow ] and I's world has since arrived and I got to watch a fistfight on his first day. He’s fine, for the record. He’s humored even a petty, childish whim of mine like a good sport.
After you were transferred, I had a good talk with a friend of mine. His experienced opinion as my elder (of around four years) was that me ‘going goofy’ whenever I think of you is a given no matter what. He is right about this. Even now as I write this letter I can feel my face turning red. My heart pounds and I can't help but feel flustered. Recently, I have had some [ There's a pretty big ink blot here, from where he pressed a little too hard into the paper. Presumably, he was expiring inside.] awkward dreams. Deeply awkward dreams.
I would say you should take responsibility but technically, you already have.
It is probably naive of me to think this, but I guess you are what some would call my first love. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that. You were and still are the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss. There will almost certainly come a time when that changes, however many weeks or months or years from now, but you will always have a special place in my heart. I don't regret wanting to take our time, and I'm still grateful for your patience about it.
I must also admit that I am not actually fond of dragons, conceptually, but it also turns out I don't give a damn if it's you. It's a little embarrassing that even I have exceptions.
There are many things about myself and where I'm from that I wish I had told you sooner. At least, I think you have a right to know. To try and explain some of them in a letter feels either inappropriate or inadequate. Often, they are not quite happy things, and rarely are they wholly good. Is this something you would want me to do? Though I suppose this may turn out to be a little pointless.
I suppose even in writing I'm a bit of a downer, hah. But I will try to share something you'll enjoy, too.
Recently, AlcheME organised a 'host club' Live. In some ways, it's similar to what my family back home does, so I decided to take that one potion for it. Just a bit of fun playing pretend, of course. I've taken the liberty of sending you some pictures B took, as well as a special one from me to you. I hope they bring you serenity.
[ One gets the sense that he’s being a little shit smiling into his hand about it, somehow. It’s probably because the pictures in the envelope are of an adult Eclipse in his host club outfit. B took some pretty choice photos. As for the special one he mentioned, well... ]
In the end, I don't know if I'll ever get to hold your hand again. I've been here long enough that I've seen many people come and go, to know better than to get my hopes up. Foolishly, I hope to see you again some day nonetheless.
May you be graced with victory in life's battles, and may you always find your way on the road that lies ahead. I love you.
Your husband,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
no subject
a single edelweiss, a single pansy, a single shion flower.]
no subject
I'd like to start off by apologizing. I don't know if you saw my over the top reaction to your letter, but it hit me hard, but I want to clarify that it was in the best way possible. I'm sure it seemed like the opposite, but I don't like showing my emotions, especially *those* sorts to just anybody. The tears of joy your letter brought should be reserved for you and only you. I'm sorry I did that, but I just wanted to let you know how happy your letter made me and that you don't ever have to worry about there not being space by my side for you, because you managed to carve out a niche in my heart for yourself. Lancelot, you're very special to me, and I not a day goes by where I wish you weren't here. It feels like things have been really tough lately, but perhaps that's because my precious knight is gone. I sometimes wonder if venturing down into Liar Hell would net us a meeting... though I know the chances are probably slim. Am I desperate, yes, absolutely... and even if it'd be brief the trials and tribulations would absolutely be worth it. I miss you, Lance, and I look forward to getting to see you again.
너밖에 없어,
There's no one like you,
With all my love,
Song Hana ( D.Va )
PS. I think it's my turn to give you a little something, don't you think? ;)
Inside there's also a ring, except the gemstones are pink!
no subject
Ah, how bold of you to say you won't apologise! Telling me that it's "a bit embarrassing" on my end when I have to get a door for my room now lest I die from mortification should someone have impeccable timing. Unless you mean to say I'm the only one between the two of us who's thought about going a little further than what we ended up doing that time? Fortunately, I'm not exactly a patient person who is content to wait until I can see you again. I’ve been gifted several outfits. Please enjoy my pre-emptive payback.
I’m happy to see that my letter got to you, and I can only hope you’ll continue to receive them. And it pleased me greatly to know that you trust me to take care of myself. You looked gorgeous in the picture as well.
Thank you for the advice. I knew [ Ogre ] from when he was here previously, but not very well. I feel like I’ve learnt more about him second-hand than from actually interacting with him, which is something I should probably rectify.
Since I said I’d tell you about myself, I should start. You saw one of my memories before, right? The one with my friend. That is the city I have spent most of my life in.
Wu-Jian is not what I would call a particularly kind or gentle place. Though I suppose that’s also true of Creation as a whole, hah. It is the sort of city that I think outsiders would find baffling and brutal. It is not without its joys and its own sort of beauty, but it is also harsh and often unforgiving. A lawless city of unspoken rules. Strength is law, though mainlanders and continentals often misunderstand that ‘strength’ comes in various forms. We trade in nearly every vice under the sun, and everything comes at a price. Be it in coin, blood, sweat or tears.
That’s the other thing a lot of outsiders seem to misunderstand. It is not that we disdain kindness, so much as it is that kindness comes at a cost. If you lack the strength to make it matter, Wu-Jian will devour you as payment.
A long time ago, after seeing a memory I regained, someone once told me that they hoped Crane and I managed to get out of Wu-Jian. They meant well, but the suggestion that it was a place that I ‘should’ leave made me uncomfortable. It’s my home. They said that the people there ‘seemed like dicks’, but in that case, assholes live and breathe everywhere. And I was born and raised there, however atypical my upbringing may have been, so what does that say about me?
I suppose what I mean to convey is … regardless of whatever impression I may give, I am not a gentle person myself. In my memories, I’ve murdered two men on separate occasions to defend myself. I doubt those were the last. And while I do not remember committing it yet, I was prepared to blackmail someone in an act of retribution for harm done to me and Crane. It’s not as if I want to repeat those experiences if I can help it, but I do not feel a shred of remorse over what I’ve done. So, no, I wouldn’t even call myself ‘compassionate’ or ‘kind’. I’m not terrible, but I’m not someone of great virtue either.
It must be quite sudden for me to give such a grim explanation, but I felt it was only fair for me to tell you what you might be getting into, so you may make an informed decision. Since … I want to rescind what I said before, about not wanting us to be courting one another. I told you that because I had some hang-ups over the very concept, but, well. Considering the things we’ve done before, and these feelings that I’m grappling with, it would be disingenuous of me to say that I’m not at least a little in love with you. ‘Friends with benefits’ no longer seems adequate to describe what you mean to me.
Of course, it’s fine if you also do not wish for us to be ‘boyfriends’. Given all that I’ve talked about above. I just hope to stay friends with you, no matter what.
Apparently, I can only write long letters like this. I won’t keep you here any longer. Safe journeys, Lancelot.
Your husband,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ In the letter are several photos. Most of them seem to be selfies of Eclipse in various outfits. And then there’s one photo of him in an oversized avante-style shirt and a pair of shorts, his knees drawn up to his chest as he’s sitting on the hammock in his room. His face is completely red to his ears in that one, because he was dying as he tried to take that selfie. ]
Sometime after heart games, nsfw
What ifThis is soHow is this serenFUCKLook, I just can't keep these thoughts out of my head now. You've basically ruined me when the only one I want is you, so I must avenge myself.
I found an outfit in the catalogue the other day that I wish I could give to you. Like how I wear clothes from avante sometimes — and I really should have thought of getting outfits from you sooner — the idea of you wearing AlcheME outfits in my colour brings me joy. You'd look very handsome in it. We could wear outfits in each other's style, spending the evening together before finally taking them off, piece by piece. Surely, you would want to watch me shed the cloak.
I keep thinking back to the way you kissed me, and your arms wrapped around me. I find myself imagining what if I hadn't been shy, and we went further? I want to peel off your gloves and kiss your palms. I want to kiss you deep until we're breathless. I want to touch your skin and feel every part of you and learn all your weak points. If you would let me, I want to leave marks on you, and call you mine. Would you want any of this?
You said you are willing to give me as much of you as I want, and so I will give you as much of me as you desire too. Every sound and face I'd make are for your ears and eyes only. You have been so patient and thoughtful towards me that you deserve that much, and all the parts of me I wouldn't let just anyone see.
If you wouldn't mind, we could even try some things with AlcheME potions. Like the one that gives animal ears.
… It's so strange to actually write that down, but there. I did. You would probably say I'd look cute with cat ears, or something like that. And I'd protest, but then you would insist and extol the virtues of my so-called cuteness and every instance of it that you can remember until I eventually give in. I would not actually mind it; it's just the principle of the matter.
But most importantly, what I want is —
To spend a night with you, fall asleep next to you, and wake up in the morning by your side. To hold your hand and wish you good morning. Would you want this, too?
I know that so much of this is rather greedy and selfish of me. I have never felt this way for anyone, and it's wonderful and terrifying. And — I know that I'm inexperienced, but I want to do my best for you.
I miss you. May we some day meet again.
Your husband,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ Inside the envelope there also seems to be a picture printed from an outfit catalogue. ]
no subject
Hey, ah, just keeping it brief this time. Just wondering if you got my letter last time and, uhm, I guess more importantly the enclose... gift. I hope you're doing well enough, and I sincerely hope we get to see each other again soon. I miss you more than I can put to words, ...
Love always,
D.Va
no subject
At this point, you will have to accept that I'm condemning you to read lengthy letters from me. There are so many things I wish to tell you and talk about with you, so get comfortable if you can.
First, I would like to say thank you for the things you told me in your last letter. It helps a lot to have an outsider’s perspective, and I'll try to take what you said to heart. Those words…mean a lot, to me. I want to hope this means you won't avert your eyes from even the parts of me that aren't pretty or pleasant.
There are a few things I should come clean to you about. Especially about the rings. Where do I even start …
Firstly, I’ve taken back my original name. I suspect trying to write it down will be met with helpful ‘corrections’, so I’ve asked a friend to pass it along to you if he ever gets the chance to meet you. He’s not exactly friendly or personable, but I guess that speaks to what a favour he’s doing me. Let’s say there’s a reason why so many gods back home seem fond of calling me ‘fledgling’.
Secondly, do colours have meanings, where you’re from? Where I'm from, certain colours are associated with the Five Maidens and their purviews. They are:
Yellow for Journeys; beginnings, travel, roads, messages,
Blue for Serenity; joy, love, the arts, worldly pleasures,
Red for Battles; conflict, tribulations, endurance, resilience,
Green for Secrets; knowledge, perception, wisdom, foresight,
and Purple for Endings; change, inevitability, death, upheaval.
If you’re wondering if this means I find certain things amusing, the chances are the answer is yes. If you’re wondering what this means about the ring you gave me, then … I think it’s only fair to let you decide how serious you want it to mean, given the circumstances at the time. And as for the ring I gave you … I pray that you will always have the strength to face tomorrow, and that you will always find your way no matter what path you choose to take. That’s what that ring means. Though in hindsight, it’s not a terribly romantic gift, huh?
Giving you another ring feels somewhat tasteless, so … if you don’t mind, I’ve sent an ear cuff instead. I have the other half of the set and I intend to wear it on my right ear. For some reason I only have one ear pierced?
I'm trying to spend more time on my hobbies to pass the days here. I've been reading books, playing card games and board games, exploring the city … trying to pick up fishing again too. There are many tall buildings here, but trying to climb them is different from the ones back home. I’ve made friends with the newest boy on avante, or at least I hope we’re friends. He’s a diligent and earnest sort himself. I think you’d like him.
… There’s something I haven’t told many people here — and for most of the part only the others from Creation know this in detail. It's not exactly a secret, rather, it's…pretty upsetting and difficult to understand, I suppose. Not exactly a topic for casual conversation.
I don’t know what the gods are like where you’re from, if there are any, but — in Creation, the gods are present and real. Sometimes, a god Chooses a mortal and blesses them with their power. I can’t say I know for what reason I was Chosen, but I’ve been blessed by the Unconquered Sun, among the highest of the gods.
Except people think it’s demonic possession, actually. There’s a good, oh, around 2000 years of history and Immaculate doctrine that say so. Solar Anathema, we are called; blasphemous, wicked tyrants, avaricious, debauched, cruel. People so powerful they are a veritable army unto themselves; who through sheer charisma could get people to abandon virtue in the name of devotion; bargain with demons and spirits and wield dark sorcerous arts; so on and so forth. People organise Wyld Hunts to track down and kill Anathema, with the support of authorities and communities.
The good news is that it genuinely isn’t demonic possession, despite what people may believe. The bad news is that a lot of the other things that have been said are more or less true, and in some cases are not even very exaggerated. I’ve learnt some very upsetting things about what some other Solars, both those who came before me and those who are still living, have done. At one point Solars were such a danger to everyone else that slaughtering them was deemed the only feasible solution. Which, well, is how things have been ever since.
I know this sounds like cock, and one person I tried to explain this to seemed to have trouble understanding how people back home could believe this sort of thing to be [ There’s a large ink blot here, from where his pen paused while writing.] righteous, or correct, or even remotely acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I think I deserve to die or anything, it’s just … it’s not hard for someone who actually lives in our world to understand why people think this way. Can you trust someone to never misuse their disgustingly overpowered gifts, when making the wrong judgement call could cause harm on a possibly untold scale? It’s not as if it’s just an issue where there are some bad actors who horrifically abuse their powers, though I’m certain some Solars are like that, rather —-
In my observation, a great deal of Solars seem to want to do what they believe is right. When you have reasons and means, many things sound like great ideas. I believe there’s a saying about how the road to hell is paved with good intentions? “The price of power is the burden of responsibility, but no one will ever tell you the ‘right’ way to wield it.” I was told that by my predecessor.
To be honest, ever since I found out I’m one of them, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. One day the Wyld Hunt will come for me, and being young means very little in the face of such lofty things as ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’, ‘the greater good’, no matter how regrettable they may find it to be. The more I learn about those before me and the things they had done, the more it sinks in that the Solars have largely earned this terrible fate. And the other Solars I know and I will pay, and pay, and pay for it.
I keep wondering if one day, I will
alsomake the mistake of believing in my own good intentions and end up causing terrible harm. Or if I’ll go the way of madness like so many Solars before me seem to have. I have this godsawful legacy shoved into my hands that I can't just say doesn't matter, because people will always see the shade of it in me and it'll dog my footsteps until the day the noose tightens around my neck. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see next year, let alone think of the future.But after all the experiences I've had since coming here, I find myself wanting to think of the future. I want to be able to see the friends I've made here again, even if I were to leave. I want to find a way that lets me do that without being beholden to higher powers. And most of all, I…
… Would you be interested in a future with me?
It must sound like a joke, coming from me.
WhySurely youIThere are things I need to settle back home, at least one person who I must convince to consider her own happiness, to say nothing about the fact I don’t know for certain if I can both put things in order and find a way to be with you.But you mean enough to me that I want to dream. I haven’t done that in a long time.
That said, you don’t have to give me an answer right away, nor do I want you to feel obliged to commit to a half-baked idea.
Ye gods, this letter got long. It feels like all I've been doing is making you listen to me. Thus — I'd like to hear more about you. Whether it's the things you remember or what you'd wish for, whatever you may be comfortable with.
Love endures, and safe journeys to you.
Patiently yours,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ Inside the envelope is an ear cuff. ]
nsfw
Honestly, I didn't think I'd have to write this letter so soon, but fanmail has forced my hand. Gods, the things I've been sent. I never thought I'd wish the Producers would hurry up and give my room a damn door already.
For someone who said he's learnt his lesson though, you don't seem to regret teasing me very much…? Seeing how you wrote quite an intimate letter yourself. If you must insist on calling me cute and showing me such affection, then I'll have to return it threefold. Prepare yourself.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting you to think rabbit ears suit me. I'm curious about those reasons of yours. As for you… I keep thinking you'd have dog ears. The pointed kind, in particular. They suit someone so earnest and diligent. I’d lean up to kiss and nibble and run my tongue along your ears, nice and slow. Perhaps while you're busy concentrating on undoing my buttons. No matter what your reaction would be, I'd be satisfied.
I’ve asked [ 末っ子] for help to get some more outfits. I hope you enjoy the pictures. Ever since you've seemed interested in taking them off me, I've… Sometimes I imagine your lips on my neck and shoulders, your breath hot against my skin, your hands all over my body. If you were to leave marks, I … certainly wouldn't complain.
Maybe this is presumptuous of me, but it's also my honest opinion: to me, you're one of the most beautiful people I know, Lancelot, in more ways than one. I mean, I'd always known you'd be considered handsome, but I knew that in the same way I could estimate the value of someone in the water trade. And then I noticed how warm your smiles are, the way you look at me as someone to be cherished and took my hand, how sincere you are and how cute you are when you're feeling competitive, and…
It still feels like a dream, sometimes. That someone so great likes me. I don't want to wake up.
The fans have sent me rather salacious things in the mail. Very...detailed ones, as it turns out. I’ve gotten art books, illustrated stories, romance novels. A truly embarrassing number of them involve you, ah. Taking me and making a mess of me, as it were. Not that I’m unhappy about it, just… it’s embarrassing.
One of the things I received was a series of artwork of you … sucking me off. Or at least, I’m fairly certain it’s intended to be me. In any case it has been on my mind a lot and they seem to believe you’d be quite confident about it and that you'd relish making me melt and! That face is criminal. So I want to be the one to make you tremble with all the love and affection I can offer. I’d get down on my knees between your legs, and take you into my mouth. I want to make you feel so good with my tongue that you can't hold back your voice.
Yet the fanmail that I ended up becoming fond of was … uhm, well. At least one fan seems to like the idea of us having a proper wedding ceremony. Said fan is also apparently pretty invested in the idea of you wearing the bride's dress. Aside from that, they put in a lot of thought about a hypothetical wedding night, so to speak, and I…
I think the thought of the two of us spending a night together, tied by marriage… It makes my heart flutter. It was so sweet and tender. To hold hands and gently whisper as we make love, that sort of intimacy…
It’s probably too wishful of me. Would something like that interest you at all?
Ah, this is so embarrassing. I miss you so much that I’m becoming a lovesick idiot. If — you are comfortable with such a thing, I’d like to hear about the sort of things you’d like to do with me, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go walk into the sea for a bit.
With love, always —
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ There are a few photos of Skylark wearing this outfit tucked away inside the envelope. A few appear to be taken at a park, a couple at the beach in his room, judging from the sparkling sand. He’s smiling gently in them.
And then there’s one photo at the very bottom of the stack that’s … very decidedly for Lancelot’s eyes only. It's of a rather dishevelled looking Skylark in the hammock of his bedroom, the outer layers of the outfit removed and leaving him in just the shirt and pants. The shirt is unbuttoned and pulled down over his shoulders, exposing the skin there and his neck and chest. The necklace with the wedding ring is in clear view. There's a blush dusting his cheeks and neck, and he's looking at the camera with half-lidded eyes of want. ]
no subject
It’s been a while since my last letter. I promise this one will be shorter than what I sent last time, and I hope this letter finds you in good health. A few things have happened since then, which … I suppose is why I’m writing this letter now.
Do you remember my friend in that memory I shared with you before? White hair, threatened to cut my throat but didn’t actually do it? She was on the show temporarily as a ‘guest star’, because the production must always find ways to keep things interesting. I had a lot of feelings about her being here, after 12 months of only having memories to know her by. To be honest, even though Crane has always been important to me, I didn’t consider myself to be in love with her. But after having experienced love and affection with you, and having damn well almost everyone telling me there’s certainly something about my feelings for her, I had to realise that perhaps I am in love with her too.
Also, I am an idiot who did not notice that she has been holding a torch for me for a while. Possibly a very long while? Goes to show how clever I am, really.
One thing led to another and there was a stupidly dramatic confession, so … Crane and I are together now. I told her there is room in my heart for more than one person, and she seems to accept my sincerity that I love both you and her. [ At this point there seems to be several attempts to start the next sentence that have been completely scratched out with a pen, a big ink blot of hesitation, and smaller ink blots of almost starting to write a new word that doesn’t get followed through. The letter continues on a new line instead, and the handwriting is much less neat for the next paragraph. ]
This is probably silly of me, except it doesn’t feel that way to me no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, and all the deliberation and hemming and hawing in the world cannot strengthen my faith and give me courage, if they could then I would not even be having this problem and resorting to refusing to edit myself, and so I must ask: is this arrangement something you would accept? That I want to find happiness with both you and her? That I want to bring her with me and build a life with her?
… Please forgive me for having such worries, and how needy I must sound here. I just feel as though I am being too greedy and asking for too much. I love both you and her, and I want the two of you to feel loved and important, as you both should be. But it’s no good if neither of you feel comfortable or reassured, either. I would be happy if this situation is acceptable to you, but I will also accept it if you aren’t.
I miss you always, and I hope you will always find your way, no matter where you may be. Safe journeys to you.
With love, always —
[ Spring Born Wind ]
no subject
There are ink blots in several places in the letter. ]
How are you? I know it hasn’t been very long since we last saw each other, but I hope that you’re doing as well as you can be on that side. As for myself …
I think you’ve seen my mom a few times in my memories? She’s nice, but also strange and kind of absent-minded. No matter what happens, she doesn’t stop smiling. She likes music and art, walks on the beach and, apparently, embarrassing me. If she ever met you, she probably would have fussed over me having a male friend for a change, and then fawn over you the moment she learnt you’re more than just a friend. She’s wonderful and beautiful.
…Well, I regret to say that you probably won’t ever get the chance to introduce yourself to her, because she’s gone. Funny how I only remember that after you have to leave. It’s nothing dramatic; just the quiet departure of someone who’d been ill for too long.
I am fine. Sort of. I will definitely be fine, eventually. I had to be at some point afterwards, so I think I’ll get there again with time. Selfishly, I wish I could hug you tight. It’s not as though my friends don’t care for me and haven’t tried to help me, it’s just…I want to see you and Crane the most. I know there isn’t much you can do right now, so perhaps it is just burdensome of me to tell you about it, but … it wouldn’t be fair to you to try and hide this either. If only I had happier news to share with you for a change.
I try to think of the promise we made and the time we spent together whenever I feel too lonely. Your sincerity is like sunlight, and I try to remember that I want a tomorrow with you and Crane. That helps a lot.
It isn’t much, but I don’t want this to be just a sad and dreary letter to you, so…hopefully, these pictures will brighten your day too. Crane gave me this outfit when she was here. How does it look?
With love,
[ Spring Born Wind ]
[ There are two photos of Lark dressed in this outfit. One of them seems to have been taken while he’s drinking a cup of tea by the beach in his room. The second photo is of Lark without the outer robe, in the middle of a stretch. It really shows off that the undershirt is sleeveless, and the way his back arches while he’s stretching his arms. ]